GIFTS FOR THE CHRISTIAN
Well it’s that time of year and we are all trying to find that perfect gift for the true believer .Fortunately for you we have compiled a list of gifts we think you are going to like:
GIFT # !: The ATHEIST CALENDAR- Now DON”T get the wrong impression here, fellow Christians, here me out. Yes, for only fifty bucks you can get this fun filled calendar that shows how atheists have fared throughout the centuries; It starts off with January where you see atheists being draw and quartered and ends up with that Christmas classic of the atheist roasting slowly over an open fire. Think how much fun you and your friends can have with this! Every time you feel down, just take a look at you new calendar –Maybe they have more carnal fun, but look what it gets them. Fifty bucks and it’s yours.
Gift #2 you know those pennant flags you attach to your antenna? Well, think of one with a silver body, trimmed in gold. Then think of this pennant with the words I DO NOT DRINK on it! Think of the time you save at this time of year when police put up road blocks everywhere. Here you’ll go sailing by, waving at the stupid nerds waiting in long line ups wile you drive merrily along with a flask and a half at your side. Jesus made wine, didn’t He?
And think of the money you can save. Fifty bucks is all
Sorry no returns on this item
GIFT @ 3 And for the ladies, here’s the “loose woman” doll. Tired of being chaste while loose woman go out there and enjoy themselves? Time to fight back—here is a great stress buster. Buy the loose woman doll that swivels on its axle. Get rid of your frustrations by toppling it by throwing pudding, cake, any old thing at this immoral creature. Why should they have all the fun? Just take good aim and throw as hard as you can. Gives you that warm sense of self righteousness that is just as pleasurable as what they are doing and relaxes you at the same time. What could be a better present for the lady on your list?
And ONLY sixty bucks
GIFT #4 And for the guy you are worried about? Hey something for everyone here. How about a pair of gloves that exude fine abrasives when rubbed sharply. Just the gift for good Christian teenagers who may need a little help.—you get one pair FOR FREE when you purchase any of the above items.
Otherwise we are just giving them away for only thirty bucks. Save a Soul.
There’s more!! Next week we will offer you more mind cleansing , soul enriching presents so that you can REALLY CELEBRATE JESUS’ s BIRTHDAY. (Remember it is Jesus who brings you all those nice presents, not that Santa imposter—who has gone through over a hundred and forty reindeer in the last ten years alone). Feed them, don’t eat them farty.
AND a Merry Christmas to all.